Oceans and dreams...

 Sometimes I have had this dream in the past....
I'm in a small wooden sailing boat alone out at sea- A Gentle breeze is filling the white sails and caressing my cheeks as I sail the calm waters before me. I'm enjoying the sensation and peace with the clear night sky studded with sparkling diamonds . Bit by bit the soft breeze becomes stronger, clouds move across the skies turning dark and angry. Grumbling thunder and bolt lightning are on the horizon, and the once smooth ocean becomes massive waves threatening to topple my little sailing boat at any moment. My heart is pounding with fear and I cling to the boat with trmbling hands for dear life.... then I wake up.

I often have dreams of waters and floods when I'm under pressure or there are un delt with things weighing on my mind. Sometimes I watch helpless as the waters rise up, other times I have felt shame because its was things that I thought to save not people.Instead of swamping my thoughts with guilt the next day thinking I had some kind of character flaw that I didn't know about deep in my soul, I now look at it as a reminder from God whats't really important in life...people not things. Some of these dreams will become paintings.

 I found this quote the other day while looking for referances in google.


Don't tell God how big your storms are.... 
Tell your storms how BIG your God is...

The next time I have that dream... I pray that the me in the dream levels looks directly into the heart of the storm with courage and faith knowing that I am saved- even if the little boat capsizes and I tumble into the sea...

The Essence within.

Our past is one of those mysterious things in life don’t you think?

 It’s not something we can physically touch and yet shapes our life for better or for worse, a web of memories that chose to invade our life from time to time, some memories are welcomed, others aren’t.

Recently I had a painful experience of letting go of some of my past traumas an moving on. I found the experience of letting go of painful memories has helped me heal as a person and move into another more exciting time of my life.

Running my fingers along the grain of the wood; my antique dressing table would always ignite warm and joyful memories of the older matriach women of my family especially during my youth. My Great Grandma and Aunties nurturing me and giving me advice as a little girl, comforting the hurts of a small child and offering security and wisdom when needed. I hung onto the old dresser because of those memories. I felt their essence lived on in an old sturdy hard wood antique dressing table that held its place of pride in my bedroom from the time my mother gave to me when she felt I needed it, and it had stayed with me ever since.

The sturdy plain dressing table had been purchased by my great grandma in the early 1930’s- A time when the Great Depression had taken hold and farmers were considered wealthier than many people in the cities, not because of money, because they could provide for themselves from the land.

I often tried to imagine the joy she must have felt bringing it home from the store and brushing her hair looking at her reflection in the mirror, (a few generations later her great grand daughter is doing the same.) She filled it with her few items of practical clothing and a lavender draw liners….

Over the years she passed it onto her daughter who then passed it onto my mother, who gave to me…

When I was a young teenage girl it was the place I stored my clothes and secret diaries. The first time I applied make-up was in the mirror of that lovely piece of furniture and I would think of my grandmother long passed away… I’d run my hands over the smooth wood grain a flood of wonderful memories of elderly women who loved and embraced me, loved me and shaped me as a child. I honestly felt I could never part with it, and it would go onto the next generation in years to come.

Then one day, reality came to bite me. I had purchased some new bedroom furniture and the old dresser didn’t fit the new look of the room. I tried to make it fit- Even toyed with idea of painting it. I reasoned that one day it might go into my girl’s bedroom as they grow older…

In the end I had to admit to myself it no longer had a place in our home, only my need for its familiar precence to remind me they once existed.

Sadly I chose to sell it, and let it go…

Our memories both joyful and sad can be like that old table, something we cling to long after they are of use to us or fit in our lives. We hold onto them because they are familiar and have become a part of the antique furniture in our thoughts. We think by touching them once in a while we can embrace them forever and if let go part of us would vanish with them.

I’m not saying to get rid of your good memories- that would be a foolish thing to do we need to draw on the positives. But as human beings we tend to cling to our “physical memories” just as much as the emotional ones without even being aware of it causing clutter to form in our houses and garages.

With every memory there is an emotion attached to it, just like the old dressing table. One day you wake up to discover it no longer fits in your life, you can spend days, weeks even months trying to make it fit to no avail.God has a way of telling us time to keep moving forward.

So I put a “For sale” posting on EBay…

I remember the day the man who purchased the dressing table came to pick it up- A middle age man, with a good eye for quality.

I tried to tell him some of its long history. He showed mild interest, but really he was more concerned about how he was going to fit it on his truck.  I asked him what its future will be and he replied. “I restore the old pieces like new, and then sell them, it’s my hobby.” (Rather like our God does…) I could see glint of passion for it in his eyes, a twinge of smile as he ran his hands over the timber he remarked. “It’s a lovely piece of silky oak, and well cared for, its rare to find one with all the original hinges, mirror and draw handles, a good find.”

“It served our family well.” I informed him as he loaded it onto his truck.

I thought I’d shed a tear when it left our house. Surprising myself I didn’t even flinch as he drove away. Instead I realized it had been cluttering up my bedroom all of these years hanging onto it like it would bring back old times.  Without it I still have my memories. I didn’t need a piece of wooden furniture to remember them by. Smiling I walked back inside to see what my two little girls were up too.

The next day when woke up in my uncluttered bedroom, I drew back the curtains letting the golden morning sun fill the room and I looked at the spot the antique dressing table had once occupied.

I wondered why it took me so long to see the truth…

Life can be like that, we hold onto things long after they have outlived their usefulness because we think the essence of the loved ones long gone lingers somewhere inside it.

To remember Jesus and what he gave for us- We don’t need the cross he hung on to be been preserved for all time to have faith, nor the nails kept to understand and remember the pain of his sacrifice for our sins.  

The essence of loved ones remains in your heart along with treasured memories guarded within the holy spirit, just as we know of Jesus and his love and salvation. I think thats all I truly need...  


I trust in your unfailing love...
Psalm 13:5

The Rock.

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

When opened my bible last night it fell onto this page and this verse stood out like a shining light in the darkness after prayer. Over the last few days I have come to truly see that no matter what termoil and confusion, inconsistenancies and wrong expections are happening in my life, the word of God and the love of Jesus will always be consistent throughout the good times and the trials as he has in the past two years in which I have faced many in short periods of time.

I know I can pick up the bible anytime and read the wisdom and it will be the same as it was the day before, week before the month before and the year before and even in future- just with different parts of the light spectum highlighting meanings in verses that I missed the last time I read them.

I think God knew I needed to read this verse- Learn from it ponder on it and hand him my heavy yoke, my shoulders feel lighter already and what ever the trials I have reached a cross roads in a part of my life in the last few months. I have been standing there to long knowing I have to turn off the current path and start again down another. I feel a peace falling over me, my rock is there beside me patiently waiting for the choice I have made, take a deep breath and begin the next part of the journey down the new path.

Its not as scary any more, just a dirt path with new twists and turns and I'm ready to where it take me. I will lean totally on him in this, hand him my heavy yoke once again to carry for me. I will endeavour not allow the past hurts to shrowd my view and take control of any negative emotions waiting to surface once more. I'll focus on what he wants for me and grow and learn.

I'm trusting him completely down this unknown new path, because he already knows the way...even when I don't. Taking my small hand in his gentle, yet strong hand and we glance down the long lane walking in small trusting steps....

Over the last four years he has become rock that is the foundation of my life and salvation in every part of my life and existence here on Earth and in Heaven.  

For that I am eternally grateful. 


"You are my rock and my fortress...for the honour of your name leads me out of danger." Psalm 31:3

This drawing started out as just an experiment in making my eyes more real, then I decided I liked it and had to do something with it!

"I'm watching you."

Creating a lifetime.

For as long as I can remeber I have had a love for creating things with my hands.

I don't think I have ever resticted myself to just one form of creativity, I just followed what caught my interest. Most of my youth I spent learning the arts of textiles, and working with porcelain. When I was 15yrs old I designed and made formal dresses for my friends going to Deb balls. I began to study period costumes and everything about how they wore them to the fabric weaves and all the beauty that people painstakingly went to just to walk out the door in days gone by.

I have no regrets that I didn't put my focus on drawing and painting at a young age, I knew I could draw and paint, at that point those skills I used for designing gowns for my hand made porcelain dolls, and art I started learning when I was 18yrs old. The flame for it has dwindled a little at the moment. But I never say never, one day I'm sure I'll go back to it, this time to create my own originals not make reproductions.

In the last year I have finally found my passion for fine art in drawing and painting and have decided to give it my focus and master the art. (If you can ever truly master it, art is something I pray I will be learning how to improve on until I'm no longer needed for gods work on the Earth and he calls me home.)

Being a mother to two precious small children is my main priority and being a good wife to my husband and run our home efficently. a worthy task and I gladly accept it with pleasure for the wonderful blessing of becoming a mother after 13yrs of sadness with the losses of unborn children I will never know. The joy of motherhood is here now and even with its trials I wouldn't trade a day of it.

Even with my busy life I can find time to pursue my passions in the late evenings and the times in the day when my kids take a nap, and for this I have my lord to thank for showing me how to do it.

I love to draw with different kinds of mediums. My current mediums have been Graphite/graphitint pencils. I'm loving the effects. I'm about to venture into Oil pastels! Wish me luck...