The Essence within.

Our past is one of those mysterious things in life don’t you think?

 It’s not something we can physically touch and yet shapes our life for better or for worse, a web of memories that chose to invade our life from time to time, some memories are welcomed, others aren’t.

Recently I had a painful experience of letting go of some of my past traumas an moving on. I found the experience of letting go of painful memories has helped me heal as a person and move into another more exciting time of my life.

Running my fingers along the grain of the wood; my antique dressing table would always ignite warm and joyful memories of the older matriach women of my family especially during my youth. My Great Grandma and Aunties nurturing me and giving me advice as a little girl, comforting the hurts of a small child and offering security and wisdom when needed. I hung onto the old dresser because of those memories. I felt their essence lived on in an old sturdy hard wood antique dressing table that held its place of pride in my bedroom from the time my mother gave to me when she felt I needed it, and it had stayed with me ever since.

The sturdy plain dressing table had been purchased by my great grandma in the early 1930’s- A time when the Great Depression had taken hold and farmers were considered wealthier than many people in the cities, not because of money, because they could provide for themselves from the land.

I often tried to imagine the joy she must have felt bringing it home from the store and brushing her hair looking at her reflection in the mirror, (a few generations later her great grand daughter is doing the same.) She filled it with her few items of practical clothing and a lavender draw liners….

Over the years she passed it onto her daughter who then passed it onto my mother, who gave to me…

When I was a young teenage girl it was the place I stored my clothes and secret diaries. The first time I applied make-up was in the mirror of that lovely piece of furniture and I would think of my grandmother long passed away… I’d run my hands over the smooth wood grain a flood of wonderful memories of elderly women who loved and embraced me, loved me and shaped me as a child. I honestly felt I could never part with it, and it would go onto the next generation in years to come.

Then one day, reality came to bite me. I had purchased some new bedroom furniture and the old dresser didn’t fit the new look of the room. I tried to make it fit- Even toyed with idea of painting it. I reasoned that one day it might go into my girl’s bedroom as they grow older…

In the end I had to admit to myself it no longer had a place in our home, only my need for its familiar precence to remind me they once existed.

Sadly I chose to sell it, and let it go…

Our memories both joyful and sad can be like that old table, something we cling to long after they are of use to us or fit in our lives. We hold onto them because they are familiar and have become a part of the antique furniture in our thoughts. We think by touching them once in a while we can embrace them forever and if let go part of us would vanish with them.

I’m not saying to get rid of your good memories- that would be a foolish thing to do we need to draw on the positives. But as human beings we tend to cling to our “physical memories” just as much as the emotional ones without even being aware of it causing clutter to form in our houses and garages.

With every memory there is an emotion attached to it, just like the old dressing table. One day you wake up to discover it no longer fits in your life, you can spend days, weeks even months trying to make it fit to no avail.God has a way of telling us time to keep moving forward.

So I put a “For sale” posting on EBay…

I remember the day the man who purchased the dressing table came to pick it up- A middle age man, with a good eye for quality.

I tried to tell him some of its long history. He showed mild interest, but really he was more concerned about how he was going to fit it on his truck.  I asked him what its future will be and he replied. “I restore the old pieces like new, and then sell them, it’s my hobby.” (Rather like our God does…) I could see glint of passion for it in his eyes, a twinge of smile as he ran his hands over the timber he remarked. “It’s a lovely piece of silky oak, and well cared for, its rare to find one with all the original hinges, mirror and draw handles, a good find.”

“It served our family well.” I informed him as he loaded it onto his truck.

I thought I’d shed a tear when it left our house. Surprising myself I didn’t even flinch as he drove away. Instead I realized it had been cluttering up my bedroom all of these years hanging onto it like it would bring back old times.  Without it I still have my memories. I didn’t need a piece of wooden furniture to remember them by. Smiling I walked back inside to see what my two little girls were up too.

The next day when woke up in my uncluttered bedroom, I drew back the curtains letting the golden morning sun fill the room and I looked at the spot the antique dressing table had once occupied.

I wondered why it took me so long to see the truth…

Life can be like that, we hold onto things long after they have outlived their usefulness because we think the essence of the loved ones long gone lingers somewhere inside it.

To remember Jesus and what he gave for us- We don’t need the cross he hung on to be been preserved for all time to have faith, nor the nails kept to understand and remember the pain of his sacrifice for our sins.  

The essence of loved ones remains in your heart along with treasured memories guarded within the holy spirit, just as we know of Jesus and his love and salvation. I think thats all I truly need...  


I trust in your unfailing love...
Psalm 13:5